Too weak.

 

Bonjour.  Forgive me for leaving this space for few days. Have been too busy with assignments and exams. I am back here again. Too many assignments to finish up. Exhausted. I was excited today, until when a friend passed on messages. Stupid messages. I was looking forward to turning 19 tomorrow. I even received a card from an unexpected friend today. Which put a smile on me for a while. Now, i am not really looking forward to tomorrow. Some things, can just ruined my feelings. 

Prolly, i am too weak in handling things. I am so tired, i just want to go home. Like go spend time with my parents. I felt horrible, really horrible. I don't know what is up with people nowadays. I always blame myself for everything. It hurts so much sometimes i don't even know what to feel anymore. Silence tears. I really don't know who to talk to because they prolly think i am just over think something and get all emotional without reasons. Sometimes, i don't need an advice, i just need someone to listen and understand me and just be there for me. 

I do enjoy hanging around with people in this place. I really don't mind, sometimes getting hurt, getting joked around, but it hurts when sometimes, they jut criticize you, criticize the people you love so much which they think it's a joke. For me, there is always a limit in everything you say or do. It hurts me so badly, but it's sad that these people, they just don't get it and just continue on with whatever they think its fun. 

I tried, really really hard to just don't give a damn but too bad, i am human with emotions and sometimes, i can't afford to let it just go on, i don't mind i get hurt, i really don't, but i mind when they criticize the people around me who i love and care. Worst, it comes from my own circle of friends. It's tiring, putting on fake smile most of the times and just pretend you are okay and just try to please everyone. At one point, you call yourself dumb, but at some point, you tell yourself, when people around you is happy, you are too. 

I really don't know who is the one i can really talk to and who understands. 

P.s// I just want to get done with this place and getaway. My heart, is exhausted.