So busy nowadays preparing for event continuously. I need a break. The coming saturday, 19/4 will finally be my break after 3 weeks of work. I cannnot wait. I am beginning to enjoy work, can i please stay?
12/4
So many many many young doctors! Omg omg! Today is an event for doctor to let them know about their rights. Some of them look really young! Well, what to compare with this little girl like me. All we have to do for this event is to promote to the young doctors about our product. Not fun tho, because it is not happening at all. So what me and my colleague did?
Hide behind the board and camwhore! :)
13/4. 14/4.
I began to feel moment of exhaustion in my body. Barely did anything muc at work, just taking care of lobby. :)
15/4
I woke up on the wrong side of bed today. Not by getting bad luck. By having so much angst in me. Realize that they charge me so freaking high for my intern fees. Sorry dad that u have to bare these expenses. I promise to work hard. Happy fun girl at work needed some rest today, so she hides herself at home. I brought along that quiet girl with her headphones on.
Here goes,
Ive been back here at home for almost 2 months plus now. Indeed i am more joyful than what i went through previously. But, one thing, mom and dad comes home tired after work, i cant find who to talk to. I cant tell them every single thing in my mind which i am trying to get rid off but it just cant go away. I wish ive got mom who understands and be there always but i understand that my mom need to work. Who else can i release it to? Him. Its not about me not telling every single thing in my mind to him. Its because of what happen previously that made me feel like i should just dump it all in me, not burden others with my useless thoughts. I know it might not burden him, but sometimes i am so afraid to voice out my thoughts because i am so scared he will judge, he will maybe say 'not again?' or 'there u go again' or 'can u please stop, im sick of this shit, its like u cannot get over it'. Guess what, i myself dont know how to get rid of it because it kinda impacted me so hard i just feel like i cant trust anyone like anymore, not including him. That is why it plays in my mind cotinuously. Actually, if i could tell all this nonsense thoughts, it is very very silly, very simple thing but, you know what i need? A vacation for myself alone. Or, someone who NEVER NEVER judge and never get bored of listening to what i have to say. I just needed that one person to just react nicely to what i have to say. It aint easy to find THAT PERSON. Honestly. I feel like i have to write in this space bout this because i just dont know who i can really talk to. I dont need many. Just one. Who can make me smile after i tell all my story without needed me to even ask for it. This, is why today, i finally breakdown, and stay really quiet at work.
So, i came home having my colleague texted me to ask if i was angry at them, which made me laugh a little because i did not realize , this one day of being quiet can make them worry. I stop. I get up and sit on my bed, and my tears dropped. I wasnt sad, i was happy to finally get this from someone who actually get so worried, and cared so much and actually kept asking me what happen. Of course i did not tell them main reason of why i was like that buy to explain to them not to be worried. Again, i kept hesistatig to trust them as how i trust people before anymore. Altough they really are nice people but i just cant control as the past impacted me so much. Thanks to them, i smiled again. They never fail to cheer me up just so i can go back to work with my happy face. Thank you God for this wonderful people
16/4
I went back to work today back to normal again. The first line i hear from them was 'YAY! I cant hear Janice's voice again' which made me smile much longer. I dont need a lot to make me feel netter, just a few that really matters. I just dont feel like going back to university anymore. Really, i feel that it is really not fun at all. :/
Love, Jan
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