Never thought i will be back into this space because never really had the time to blog anymore. However, today i am taking some time off from my recovery to write about what i have been facing since August 2018. Let's begin :
All started with a gray spot vision on my lower left of my right eye. I was literally so chill that i only decided to head to the doctor after the 3rd day, being pushed by my director to go.
I only went to the general clinic below the office cause why not? Clinic doctor is still a doctor. He then referred me immediately to an eye specialist in Prince Court. Took a grab there and it is where it all began.
Above is my Iris scan (yup never knew bout all this). It is where they sort of scan the eye balls and scan your retina (if that is the right way to explain it). Unfortunately, i cant explain the graphic above because i am not a pro but i can explain to you guys the last 2 graphics at the bottom.
The left graphic is my right eye while the other is left eye. Normally, eye liquid level should be like the right graphic but its sad my retina on my right eye tore/detached. Explains why the 1st graphic, my retina tore/detached and the liquid has already entered and covered part of my vision.
What scares or shock me most is when the doctor said ‘Girl, you need to do an operation immediately. Like really immediately’. Only thing that came to my mind ‘how much?’ She said ‘35k?’
Like i said, i am always so chill that while i was going through all this by myself, i am also texting one of my colleague who was nice enough to help me find out regarding the medical insurance under my company. (Because Your Highness have not buy insurance for herself)
I had to hold the doctor’s arrangement because its a huge amount for me to settle. So i told her ‘can you please let me think bout this tonight and meet you again tmr?’
And then immediately called my parents.
While the doctor said okay, she was already trying to schedule an appointment for me with the hospital surgeon. Then the nurse dash in and say ‘im sorry but the surgeon is out of the country. We need to refer you to another hospital immediately’.
And im like ‘sure’ (cause then i can get second opinion?). The doctor immediately call up whoever she knows to let me schedule an appointment while the nurse pulled me aside to another room.
(conversation translated for BM to english)
Nurse : Sister, you need to visit the other surgeon tonight okay? Please please dont wait anymore. I work as eye nurse for 20 years, this situation can make you go blind in just any minute. Please ya. See, i whatsapp our surgeon, she say the same thing.
Me : Okay (while trying to digest everything and put on that serious mode cause i really so chill until this nurse say this)
There were multiple options for me to choose from for me to visit but the doctor decided she would call and make an appointment for me directly with another surgeon in Pantai whom she know off.
After that, she actually proceeded to perform laser to my left eye because she mentioned there are also bits and pieces of tear in my left retina. (A decision i did not think much but say yes to because she said if i dont it will become like the right eye).
I was never educated on eyes previously and trust me, many thought this laser will allow me to go without my specs. Just to let you guys know that is classified more under beauty laser while mine is retina tear laser.
It can be quite painful tbh and all the while i see green flashes. The whole process took about 15 minutes and i had to keep my eyes open at all time. I was just tearing the whole time. (Not cry but the eye teared due to opening my eye)
The next day (Surgery and right after surgery)
The specialist at Prince Court secured me an appointment with a surgeon in Pantai hospital. Went over at 9am in the morning and immediately went into eye check and meeting the doctor. As i brought along my reports from Prince Court with me, there is no need for me to redo the whole scan. The surgeon just told me that we will proceed with the operation and explain roughly how everything will be taking place.
I had to start fasting from 11am and wait for my operation at 4pm. Checked in to the hospital at 2pm and do my last scroll on my phone or text whoever i need to text. My mom on the other hand was more nervous than i am. Honestly, i wasn't even close to nervous because i have no idea what to feel. To me, it is good to remain calm and let your surgeon do what he need to do because nervous doesn't help in any way.
My operation took about an hour and the half. I can prepare you that the AFTER SURGERY is not fun at all. The whole feeling after waking up especially. Of course, the anesthetic was also doing its thing where you feel super dizzy after surgery. Skipping that to explaining what the surgeon did to my right eye. I undergo Vitrectomy procedure. Please refer below for further explanation. My surgeon inserted gas bubble into my eye.
Below is the source from online article as it will be a better explanation in medical terms.
Click here for more information.
With the gas bubble there are certain things that you cant do. I will paste an article for further reference (click here)but i will type out roughly the few things that i cant do. A few of these are mainly what we do in daily life.
- You cannot perform any vigorous exercise that may cause straining to your eyes
- You cannot lift heavy things
- You cannot fly or travel to place above 1000 feet due to the pressure
- You need to avoid dusty and water to avoid inflammation
- Do not ever rub your eyes
Recovery journey
You definitely do not have your vision until the gas bubble goes away. The whole process might take around 1 - 2 months depending on the type of gas bubble used and how you are taking care of it. It took about a month for me to see half the vision and it is actually quite frustrating when the gas bubble is halfway gone because the gas bubble move along with your motion and it will feels like you are underwater. It can make you dizzy after a while. Anyway, i totally understand how frustrated it can be having only 1 side vision. So do remember to take a deep breath and remind yourself it is only temporary.
You will need to go back to the hospital for regular check up depending on your doctor's arrangement. Of course, things were all going so well and i felt so happy to have at least half my vision back. I was already back at work for a week. On Thursday, my manager has suggested if i should need more time to rest or at least work from home. (I am honestly blessed with amazing teammates and manager who never stop taking care of me and making sure things were okay.)
Things turned around
Remember i had half of my vision back? On the same Thursday, after lunch, i went back to my office and that part of the vision went off. I immediately pick up my bags and decided to head to the hospital. This time, i was nervous. Really nervous because the vision that went off is exactly the same thing when i found out i had retina detachment. I was nervous because all the thoughts about my recovery journey and my surgery might be just gone to waste.
Thankfully i managed to secure a last minute appointment before my doctor goes off to another hospital. I figured that things cannot wait until tomorrow because i NEEDED TO KNOW what happened. They did eye check and scan on my right eye.
It's time to meet my doctor and he did another quick check. He turned to my parents and i, he said "Unfortunately, her retina is detached again. We will need to do another surgery tomorrow morning." My heart sank. What did i do to deserve this? Was it because i walked in a public place? Was it because i was gently tapping on my eye lid when it hurts a little? Was it because i might have accidentally stretch my head too much? The doctor said "It might be due to the growth of new tissues that pulled on your scar which cause the retina to detach again. This is common among younger age people as their tissues grow fast.
I did not cry but i was numb. I did not know what to feel. I immediately cancelled all the plans i had in place before because all i ever want to focus this time is my recovery. I cannot let it become a 3rd. I was just quiet all along because i needed that space at the very moment.
Checked in and surgery
I checked in to the hospital that night itself and started fasting from 12am since my surgery will be at 7am. I wasn't nervous at all because i already know what i will be going through. This time i will be going through Vitrectomy too but he will be removing the gas bubble and replaced them with silicone oil. Silicone oil has more side effects than gas bubble such as possibility of developing cataract and you cannot gain back your 100% vision due to the oil that sticks to your lens. You may refer here to read further. Recovery journey
It has been 3 weeks now since my surgery sitting in front of the laptop just typing away on this. I still cannot see. The picture below best describe my vision.
(Picture source from Google)
I guess that is all so far of my retina detachment surgery. I am still on the recovery and i pray that this recovery goes well. To anyone that is also going through retina detachment and you need someone to talk to, can hit me up at the comment section. You are strong and you can do it!
If you ask how to know if you have retina detachment
Honestly, i never knew until my eye sight went off! It was a sudden thing when i woke up from bed. Scary isn't it. There is another way to realize is that if you see floaters in your vision, it means you need to start heading to an eye specialist/ophthalmology. My advise, take some time off to visit the eye specialist once in a while because it is good to get an update on your eyes.
My feeling
I will leave this on the next post because i do not want this post to go on and on without ending.
To those who actually took the time to read everything, i sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart and taking time to write this without having my full vision back is not as easy as you think. My heart goes to those who is going through this because it is not easy. Honestly, i do not want to gain sympathy or trying to be all sad because i know there are people going through much tougher times but this is a post for me to read back and remember what i been through. This post was also written to let those who is going through the same thing know that it will be okay and don't be afraid.
Thank you once again and till then.
Signing off,
Jan
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