Dear December #1

Dear December 1st,

You are finally here. I am happy but i wish i could stop the time longer. I am not prepared to clear up the mess i've made, i am not prepared to finish up what i started in January 1st and most importantly, i am not ready to face what new year is going to throw me with. I am very excited to welcome you but i wish i could paused in December 31st. December, you will definitely be bumpy but i told myself i cannot look at where the negative brings me, I must look at the little plus point that i am blessed with so i can stand up stronger to finish up what i've started. I miss home and i can't wait for your friend, December 25th to come just so i can hop on the plan and head home. I've repeat the 'i miss home line' countless time i think people around me got too annoyed. 

I wouldn't tell you to be nice to me, i just want to tell you to please help me up and let me stand up stronger. Provide me with new strength every day. I grow weary so easily these days i just barely able to lift my head up anymore. I've partly regretted the decisions i've made and partly agreed with the other ones that i made. I can't turn back time but i can learn from what November have got me into. I laugh so much when i stepped out of my room but only to realize that it isn't the same in the room. My heart and brain just decided to shut down automatically and switched on emotional thoughts. 

4 more days until i turn 21. This time, if i say 'I don't want birthday', people will never want to believe. This year, i just reminded everyone and randomly say, hey this Friday i am turning 21 but i just want to take a break and stay at home. I don't want to pretend like i have forgotten my own birth date or pretend like i want to see who remembers my birthday. My brain cannot process neither excitement for surprises nor party. The main reason why i just decided to tell people myself so no one need to pretend or think i want something. People asked what i want for my birthday. 'A day leave' is definitely what my answer will be. I need a day of break and isn't 5th of December a perfect one. Celebrate my 21st my taking a break and just enjoying movies from my laptop. Take a nap or sleep however long i want to. No disturbance. No money wasted. That is definitely enough for me. 

December comes which mark a close up for the year. Things i have planned to do at the beginning of the year, i did not successfully do it. Things i have started were left hanging without a conclusion. If there is one resolution for 2015, only one. To make my dream come true. That will be to graduate in time and become successfully become air stewardess in Emirates. THAT is my 2015 resolution. 

Today's #joyfuldecember

1. Words of encouragement from friends.

2. Supportive and friendly colleagues who made my working hours more fun.

3. My dad who paid for my flight ticket back home

4. I fixed my wifi and now i got faster internet speed.

5. McD for giving me free ButterScotch McFlurry because the worker saw how sad i was carrying my tray without my favourite ice cream. He literally squeeze the last drop of butter just for me. ;')

6. Definitely thankful for another day 

Signing off,

Jan