Petrified

Isaiah 41:10

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I don't get it why the thoughts in me aren't fading off when i really want them to. I am so petrified because i don't know what comes next. I am so afraid to head back for my last semester but i know there is no other way to graduate besides continuing on. Voices tell me to just let it go, to just not bothered because what is the past IS already the past. However, when you've been growing with that self of yours for 22 years, it is so hard to see when you totally broke off someone else's smile. What else there is left for me to do? Nothing literally. I didn't mean to blog it out but i felt the need to write in the space of mine as i just don't feel good. I hated this self of mine because it makes my morning depressing. I know there is one thing i can cling on to and that is God. He will never ever fail me when everyone else does it. He will never have hatred against me no matter how much wrong things i may have done. He will never ever stop holding on to me and walk with me through good times and bad times. Prayers have always been the one thing i will never forget everyday. Every single day. 

I don't know what i've lead myself into but i know it is something i am definitely not proud of. That one thing i've ever ever regret in my life so far is just one. For those who know me well enough, knows i don't like regretting my decisions nor regretting whatever things i've gone through in life but this one thing has got me into so much hatred and petrified. Maybe i just need another new phase in life so i can finally move on. I could only cling on to Him and my prayers to make me feel better. Let's hope ill have a good ending to my  life in university. Till then.

Signing off,

Jan