Hello readers! I am back from such a long pause. So much have happened and it all involves between my career life and me. It has been nothing but tough, all i hope right now is for this new one to be a stable one and that things will be better than before. I shed so much tears which i think made me stronger because to be honest i really dont cry that easily anymore. Maybe emotional but not to the point of tears. The weekend has never been so chilling and great. At this point, i could only feel blessed by so many things and people that walked me through tough times.
I could only apologize countlessly to those who cared so much and i really couldnt spare much time with them. I spent less time catching up with people on my social platforms and this is actually pretty bad. I owe so many people honestly. Not in terms of money but my time on just sitting down to catch up with them. One thing i also realized about myself, when i am down i just tend to stay away from people and want fo be alone or only around certain people.
Of course the first and most important one to thank will be God for sending me angels continuously throughout these period of time. Then it will be followed by, my parents, my family, Pam, Rae, Justine, Ming Yen, Zel, Mandy, Penguin, Michelle, Pqah, Nannie, my housemate and of course people who never failed to pray for me. All these people have literally helped me in so many different ways i just couldnt thanked them enough.
I am still contemplating on writing on my previous work experience and what actually happened at my previous workplace. Maybe to cut the story short, it wasnt a pleasant journey and i learnt to look properly at the environment and people before i agree to accept a job. I left the company with no regret. I was feeling really stressed out and so much fear in me every morning going to work. Having fear everyday before heading to work shows how unhappy i am but i was planning to hang on until Penguin talked me out of it. Of course, with the peace i feel from the prayer and this time i did not leave my parents out of my decision making.
Pay me a million to walk through all this again, i wouldnt even take it. People say 'it is part and parcels of life.' Some say 'you are only 23, it is okay about not achieving what you want yet' or 'you still have long way to go' etc etc. However, i really hate going through all this but i know it does make me stronger and wiser. That is definitely growing up journey. However, why i feel emotional about whatever that i am achieving is because to see what people around me are doing in their life is just wonderful and all i want is for my parents to feel proud of me. Not only that, but for them to also feel the sense of relief knowing that they do not have to worry about me surviving the outside world.
Going through this also taught me about my faith, hope and frust in God and what He has planned for me. I know deep down it is all for good reasons and at the end of the day, only both Him and me knows what i am able to learn from it. God has never failed me in prayer nor in speaking to me through people. His words were all coming in at the right time.
Today, i looked at where i stand. I am blessed for God who mever fail to love me no matter how much sin i may have done, a family who never turn their back on me no matter how stubborn or disobedient i am, church people who offer their prayer and time to listen no matter how busy they are, for my universities best friends that never stop loving me no matter how sometimes i can be such s bitch, my best friend back in hometown that keep me in her prayer day and night, Penguin that listens every now and then who also brought me into somewhere new, the house that i rent in which provide me an amazing balcony that i can chill and have alone time, my dad that provides me with what he can when i really fall into financial crisis and many more to list down.
Little blesdings may be little but i count it because each and every blessings increases the joy in my life. I may not be living life as good as others but its simple enough to provide me with comfort and happiness. It is time to fight harder and give back to those who needs. Of course, for those who put so much faith in leading me to a happier life.
Here is one with my precious angel. I miss my fambam.
So far, life has been good and i believe it will be better soon.
Till we meet again,
Jann
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