#293, #292

So lets spend today talking about me. And my relationship? 

The clock strucks 12 on 28/3 will be a year. For me and for him. We have kept this relationship down low because we know being together loving each other doesnt mean we have to announce to people around us. So i guess my readers will know bout this already. 

It has been so many ups and downs which i definitely think all relationship have. I kinda dislike the date of 28 because thats when we start to wish each other and when we reminicse our moments, we might also just tell each other what the likes and dislikes. Sometimes or most of the times leads to frown or argument. 

Ive been called by a few and literally a few friends of mine 'demanding'. Never in my years of life ive heard this from my friends of childhood friends. I am still me myself but because they actually said that, i started thinking. How is trying to just say what i want is demanding when i never at all forced or want someone to do or get it for me. 

I tend to get a little sensitive sometimes, so when i say something to him, i start declaring myself 'saylah i demanding or what i also dont care lah. Coz we love each other ma so i tell you lo'. Lol ill answer something like that. 

I realized that im actually not expressive enough and when i say something people get it the wrong way. Which may be said as demanding or follower. There is so many things i want i love but never in my mind thought about asking it from others because whenever i want something i will try to get it myself. 

So, when i share to people what i need they have the mindset of 'okay so must get that lah for her is it?' and i always tell them and him 'no really dont need at all' because i really just want it from my own earned money, which i never say it. What upsets me is when they or HIM reply me 'please lah! Wanna lie to who. Want us to get just tell lah. Like who dowan people to do it for them.' Or something similar. Sometimes it may be from him which, i feel like 'did you not trust me?'

There is so many many things i wish o could express from the bottom of my heart to him but i just dont know how to form it into words. Which leads to telling him straight what i always wanted or desire but thats not what i really wanted. I just needed that understanding, that connection, that feeling. 

I guess i am still in the midst of walking out of confusion. Dear you, if you are reading, i am sorry if any of my words have hurt you in any way but please do know the love i have for you which i promised to give you. Please know i am learning and so do you. Relationship needs patience, trust and much more but it definitely needs 2 to form one perfect one. Whatever you are doing i appreciate and i definitely give you time to learn to understand because i know human are not perfect and they definitely cannot it right once. Someday, somewhere i believe and have faith that you will be the one i am looking for. To the journey ahead. :) 

Love, me.